To The Woman I Look Up To

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I’m glad you said no. You didn’t mind the bullies out there – the hell they were making for you inside the four corners of that room. You threw away the fear of being left behind when your friends flew to a distant land. You didn’t mind your momma beating you up to be the best even when everything else is falling apart. But most importantly, you didn’t materialize the affection offered by that boy because you know it was a lie.

I’m glad you said no – to him. You didn’t fall for the falseness of it all. Instead, you focused on yourself. You pursued your passion for learning. You fought the hard fight of finishing your studies on time and then, doing your dream job. When I asked myself, “How did she do those?” I realized that it was because you responded to life correctly. You evaluated your own shortcomings – you read books, studied yourself, and asked help with all your humility. Above all, you didn’t try to please people who don’t really matter in your life.

Now, there you are, living the life you’ve always dreamed of. Now the established woman you envisioned to be, love also came perfectly. Why? Simply because you believe it exists. Therefore, you were well-groomed the moment that person arrived.

And that’s why I’m glad you said no – because in this universe that is parallel to yours, there I was, who answered yes. I tried to comfort myself in the arms of that boy whom I was sure to marry someday – even if he said words that are markers for me to leave; even if the arms that’s supposed to be shielding me, pinned me instead to the wall.

Abide these, I continued my unwavering loyalty and service in times of his needs. I allowed my stupidity to swallow me wholly, until I got totally locked inside that invisible prison. However, I received the greatest gift many years after being together: goodbye.

This boy to whom I gave my all, whom I picture myself with in the future… left me.

No words can express how deep my wounds and loathing were until I realized this: a thorn that is stacked within must be immediately pulled out so the healing could begin.

Imagine how much time and emotions I could’ve saved had I responded to the problem appropriately. Right now, here I am, trying to pick up the shattered pieces called “self”. Nevertheless, I know I could rearrange those pieces, carefully holding and thoroughly understanding each of them now.

And that’s why I’m proud of you, dearest. I want to thank you for knowing your worth since the beginning.

Your Version X

P.S. I hope anytime soon I’d be like you.

3 thoughts on “To The Woman I Look Up To

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