Ignoring someone (who used to be special)

Photo by Rhendi Rukmana on Unsplash

Last year, I totally cut all forms of communication with my ex. After so many years, I found the courage to leave. Finally, I chose what’s best for me.

And that is to run away. Maybe not as fast, but as far as I can.

I vividly remember that day. After five months of no contact, he suddenly shoot a message, asking how I was. I hated the idea of blocking someone, no matter the situation calls for it. So during that time, I simply let his name get drowned by the new messages on my phone.

I let a couple of days pass by, contemplating whether or not I’ll reply. I was trying so hard to forget. I mean, after all, who says it’d be easy detaching yourself from someone special after six long years?

Nonetheless, I was sad during that time. So sad that I only longed for the happy times, totally dismissing how I prayed my way out of that relationship. And so…

My reply was sent.

Message delivered.

Seen.

Typing.

I received his reply.

Of course, what a fool am I not to expect to be disappointed? But I was, and I didn’t mind. I only cared about the attention given to me by someone so familiar — someone who saw me laugh and cry, greeted me good morning and good night, that I became so dependent on it my world almost crashed when one day, I woke up and realized it was gone.

I only missed clinging onto someone so much, and he, clinging back to me as much. I didn’t mind that it felt wrong. In fact, it was so wrong on so many levels that I even agreed to seeing each other again.

But I was stronger this time, you know. Finally, I knew my limits. We saw each other twice that July; he was asking for a third time but I know there shouldn’t be one. 

Finally, it struck me that I was just wasting my time. I hit that ignore button without any warning. I knew he’d be lost but c’mon, for a guy who cheated, gaslighted, and hit you, wasn’t it the bare minimum to do?

Also, I knew I needed help. When I went back to the University, I shared all my worries with a guidance counselor. I feel blessed that she was a big help. Most importantly, she affirmed that what I did was right — maintain no contact and never look back. Just keep moving forward.

Abide these, I must admit that before, I used to check my ignored messages. Even though I blocked his number, I still check if he sent another message. Oh, I blocked him too when he tried reaching me through email. And now, it became a habit to check the spam folder.

It’s been 11 months. Recently, this quarantine has gotten in my nerves. This creeping emptiness makes me stare on Messenger for a long time. How many clicks will it take to see those ignored messages? I’m longing for someone so familiar…

But no. I can’t. I’ve come this far and I’m never going back.

31 thoughts on “Ignoring someone (who used to be special)

  1. We fall in love but we drag ourselves out of it.
    It is painful and unbearable.
    You have described that agitation with the best use of words through this post.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I must agree with you, Yash. We can only do so much to let the pain fade, eh? Also, I realized it isn’t linear. Just like life, we fall down then fight so hard to get back up.

      The first line you dropped couldn’t be more true. I couldn’t think of a word better than to “drag” ourselves out of it. Thanks for dropping by, wishing you a good day!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I had to block my sister from all contact…changed my home and cell phone number’s, blocked her email. The only way she can get in contact with me is by driving here. After 40 years of knowing her as my sis, it was very hard to do, but I knew that this was my only option. No one could talk any sense into her, and the way she treated me after our dad died…I had no other choice.I’ll be posting about this soon…
    It’s hard sometimes, but hard choices are sometimes the best choices.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Hello my dear Camille,

    First of all, thank you for sharing such a personal post on this platform.

    Let me share with you these ideas, hoping this will help:

    1. Don’t blame yourself by asking why you stayed so long.
    2. The moment you go no contact, go no contact forever, and I mean this! (the 30 day or 60 day is bullshit that people sell all over the internet to make you buy their products).
    3. Retract your energy from your ex, because you deserve to move on and nourish yourself.
    4. Learn and educate yourself about attachment style, which type are you, and how to change it to one secure platform. (Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help you Find – and keep – love.
    5. I understand how you felt and how you still feel, so please connect with yourself and heal your trauma bond.

    I can send you the book if you like. So, now, I was in your situation in January, and it was a huge pain in the ass. The breakup “came out of nowhere”, I was in Australia away from my home, and my family.
    For the very first time in my life, I felt alone and scared. Because supposedly I was going to spend a holiday with him, but in fact, I went to one nightmare that I don’t wish to anyone.
    Panic attacks, diarrhea, headaches, crying, all this is completely normal because our brain and body are releasing the cortisol effects of the fight and flight mode.

    Now, when I look back, I can see it was a toxic situation because when someone pulls you into a relationship and don’t know how to make it work, it is abuse. Some authors say that secure attachment individuals don’t fall into this trap, but in that book, you will see anyone can fall into that trap. I am secure, and I started to have behaviors that I don’t like because of the feedback I was having. I didn’t leave before, even though I thought about it, because when I invest, I try to make things work.
    If you can remove Facebook and messenger app from your cell phone, do that because you will feel the release. Give your number to your close friends and leave the rest behind.
    I left Australia the same day he said it was over. The next day I received a text message saying he was thinking about me a lot. Because I didn’t answer in February, Valentine’s day, received one email.

    My mistakes:

    I answered the email and sent a letter. But I wanted closure and tell him some things!

    Now I am living my life, I am focusing on myself, and believe me… life will teach them a great lesson.

    Receive my hug from Portugal and take care of yourself!

    Alexandra

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Aw, I’m sorry that happened to you dear. Thank you so much for your kind words, pieces of advice, and inspiration! Also, I looked for the book you recommended. I got a copy and will read it immediately. ❤ Also, I am happy that you're out of that toxic relationship. We shall both be moving forward and continue living life to the fullest!

      Take care always, Alexandra! It helped a lot reading your heartfelt comment. Wishing you all the love in the world! 💛

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am glad my message, was like one hug warm hug to you!
        It is one excoriating journey, and people won’t even believe in you because these people outside look very friendly and charismatic.

        Surprisingly, I couldn’t believe how I fell into this trap because I studied neuropsychology and education area. The explanation is simple, though, my father is a pathological narcissist, that depleted my mother completely. I have been his target for almost 20 years now because I found out he was cheating my mother. So the two partners I had fit this category. I don’t know if they are pathological narcissists, but they have intense narcissists traits that are in silence. Till the moment, you don’t fit any longer their love script and hidden agenda.

        They leave you when you need their emotional support or having life-changing events that will affect your wealth or emotional well being.

        Run away as faster as you can when:

        1. They call you their soulmate
        2. When they say their ex used him
        3. When they love bomb intensely (text messages everyday or all day, buy you expensive gifts, start talk about having kids or a future together)
        4. You feel inside your gut there is something off and might be someone else in the picture also.
        5. Returning to the gifts, they will resent you for this reason: every time you express your love by giving them gifts, and they out of their love-bombing phase, their brain will tell them the old story that you are trying to use with all these normal and healthy relationship gestures.

        I gave him a watch the last time I was with him because he finished his second degree, and the first thing he did (man with 38 years old), was run to his parents to show the watch. During the dinner, I heard all the conversations about how supposedly expensive the watch was.

        The brutal discard happened three days after this situation.

        It was a big lesson, and I am glad I had this!

        Please, take care of yourself ❤

        Liked by 3 people

    1. Right, it’s just hard in the beginning but it’s always better to keep moving forward. 🙂 Also, we have the same view: Forgive (the person) but never forget (the lessons). 💛

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s really the best thing to do, especially when someone is an “energy vampire”! We already have so much negativity around us, we don’t need to welcome more in our lives. Positivity is always the best choice in order to lead a happy life. And you’re right, it is hard at first, that we cannot deny. But later on, we’ll realize that it’s all worth it. In fact, nothing’s greater than having that peace of mind. 💛

      Like

  4. You have done so well, and done such HARD work. Be proud of yourself for that. Consider respecting the wise woman who hit ignore and walked away. She was of sound mind and body, give her a hug and keep walking up up and away my Dear!! You have great things to accomplish ✨.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words, Anne! People like you are the light of this world. Keep on shining and inspiring! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I am so glad that you have come this far. Nothing comes in an easy way and you have proved yourself and other people that ignoring someone who used to be special but bad for you doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing to do. In fact, it’s a great thing to do. Keep moving on! x

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Dear Camille, you, my dear, are the strongest person…Don’t hold on to things that hurt you so much and consume your energy and make you lose your own self-esteem…Darling you don’t deserve to be questioned about your own sanity…It’s toxic…There are a million in the world and you will find the right one that deserve you and accept you as who you are…Lots of love and more power to you…I feel like hugging you and telling you, all this time will pass and you will find an amazing person…For now virtual hugs help…Keep safe:)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh no, I’m sorry to hear that you were with a narcissist too. Indeed, life’s waaayyy better without him. I’m glad you’re out of the relationship too. Wishing us all the best that this life could offer. Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for that lovely message. It was a long time ago but I remember it as though I was living in a waking nightmare, it was terrifying. It took a long time for me to get over it. I am wishing you the best life has to offer too, you will be so happy without this person. it will be great. I am here if you ever need to talk about it

        Like

        1. Indeed, it feels like you’re always walking on eggshells! It’s hard because the narcissist always wants drama when all I ever wanted was stability and security in the relationship. I’m really glad we’re both out of it. Virtual hugs! 🤗

          Like

  7. I’m so sorry he treated you so badly. But I’m so proud of you for not responding to his text. Know that HE was the one who lost out because he had a great lady in his life and didn’t appreciate her! He made his bed now he must lie in it! Continue to be strong and you’ll find someone who appreciates you!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I do wonder what the answer is to gaslighting, manipulative and violent behaviour towards women. It’s always brave when someone like you tells their story and it certainly raises awareness.

    It is being raised everywhere, in fact it is the lead story on Britain’s most famous soap opera. But still it continues.

    Maybe the smokescreen world of the emancipated woman is to blame. Throw a couple of highly educated women into top jobs in the government to prove we are all equal now?

    Keep strong, that’s all you can do and it sounds like you have a lot of excellent support, on this page at least 😀😀

    Like

  9. Great story and something that I feel many people out there can relate to. We all want to be wanted especially by those who had most let us down. We want to believe that they will realise how wrong they were and what a great thing they let slip through their fingers, but that’s not likely to happen and even less likely to amount to much if it did. I’m glad you’re staying strong. 😊

    Liked by 3 people

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